As the summer is coming to an end and September rolls in, the usual feelings I get of starting a-new come back to me yet again. I am sure it is because for 19 years, September meant the start of a new school year. Saying goodbye to the old, and hello to the new. One (school) year older, one (school) year wiser...even though only 3 months of summer had just passed, I was transformed into my new identity of... a 1st grader, a high school freshman, or a college senior.
One major part of my life is coming to end now too. And while I am (very) happy to move on, I'm still very worried about what is out there - the unknown... or the fact that nothing is out there yet. Thankfully I have important people in my life that still support me and hold me up, like my husband, my family, and my friends. But it is still in my nature to get down and upset about things.
I quit my job, after exactly one year of working here. Friday is my last day. Its very obvious (both to me and my employer) that I am underemployed. I need something more to challenge myself, to grow...and to do something I'm interested in doing. It was also a difficult year here because of the work environment I was in. My contract was coming to an end at the end of Aug, and instead of renewing, I decided to let it expire and not renew. However, despite my continual searching for jobs for the past 8 months, nothing has happened yet. First of all, its hard to find things I'm qualified for...but then I have gotten responses I'm either overqualified or that I don't have enough experience. There doesn't seem to be a middle ground here. And the fact that I am not fluent in Dutch is obviously a major issue to breaking through to a more professional level job that I am searching for, that I would be happy in and that would help my career. I am very worried how my work choices here in the present will affect me later whenever I go back to the US. I've recently had a few interviews, but nothing has panned out yet.
So I have been struggling(mentally/emotionally) in recent weeks since coming back to the NL. After the 'high' of being home, of getting married, seeing family/friends again, of traveling out west...I came back to the reality of my job situation in mid-July. I have to learn to let go. I want to be in control of things, of my own destiny. I want to live a certain lifestyle that requires a double household income. I want to travel while I am living in Europe and have the vacation days to do so. But that requires money. I do want to move back to the US at some point, but not now. I realized this this past weekend. When the real fact of the matter hit me, that 'what if i don't get a job here and have to move back?' question, I really was upset about this. I do not want to move back yet. I want to move back under my own initiative. I do not want to be forced back due to the fact that I need to find a job. But I have to learn to let go, and whatever happens, happens. I will try my best to succeed, and if it doesn't work out that way, then that's all I can do. But on the other hand, I think I am succeeding in the fact that I am getting out of this place. That is a step in the right direction and towards a better future.
Also, I have been going through many work emails in my inbox this week, working on deleting things I haven't deleted yet over the last year. I've held on to some of them, because they were such strong examples of what was wrong here with this group and this organization. When I read over some of them yesterday, I got really upset again. The struggles of this past year are always on my mind here, 8.5 hours a day...plus probably several hours at home too. But I have to learn to it let go. It seems though, as the end is getting nearer, I'm still upset! I should be extatic about leaving, yet as I'm on my way out, all the problems of this past year are being revisited, as sort of a 'yearbook' of memories! But--Friday will be the end of it here. Monday I can start over again. I will wake up in the morning and NOT have to get on the 755am train to Amsterdam. I will not have to deal with these problems of the last year. After Friday it doesnt matter any more. I will be moving on...and those I've left behind will still be here...for awhile, I'm sure. I feel sorry for them.
I will have to work hard to unlearn the things I've experienced (or not experienced) here. But I can take these experiences and learn from them and how to avoid them in the future. I will really have to learn to let go of my bitterness and frustration... and move forward. The lack of respect that I received here: I will not take that anymore, and the next place will be better. After one week of freedom at home, I will feel better and refreshed and ready to move forward.
Wednesday, August 27, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Lost 10lbs in 2 weeks! The Dutch integration diet!!
Integration into mainstream Dutch society is good for your figure. That's basically the conclusion of research conducted by the Social and Cultural Planning Officethe Netherlands (SCP).
You can imagine my chagrin when I came across the results of a recent research completed by the SCP (Social and Cultural Planning Bureau) in the NL, when I learned yet another reason why it is important to integrate into Dutch society...I'll be obese if I don't! This recently published information from the SCP concerns the non-western immigrants to Holland (of course, because Holland is obsessed with this group of immigrants). They found that someone from this immigrant group in the NL is more likely to be overweight than the normal Dutch population. Those that are integrated, are less likely to be overweight. What a simple conclusion we arrive to! Instead of looking at the factors as to why this may be (different upbringing, different diet, different stress on health or body image)...its instantly related to the level of integration. This gives those hard-core right wing Dutchies the opportunity to slam immigrants again, that we are lazy, jobless and hopeless cases. But now that I am about to become jobless again...maybe I will better fit the data and support their findings. But I gotta say, I've integrated into society by being employed this past year...but the stress from actually working and trying to learn dutch 2 nights a week has driven me to eat more out of stress. I think this research made to find out just exactly what the gov't wanted to hear...to offer more propaganda as to why immigrants need to integrate.
What is also quite interesting is that M is going to start working for the SCP in a month, as a researcher. I hope he will only be bringing home "the bacon"...and not more propaganda.
You can imagine my chagrin when I came across the results of a recent research completed by the SCP (Social and Cultural Planning Bureau) in the NL, when I learned yet another reason why it is important to integrate into Dutch society...I'll be obese if I don't! This recently published information from the SCP concerns the non-western immigrants to Holland (of course, because Holland is obsessed with this group of immigrants). They found that someone from this immigrant group in the NL is more likely to be overweight than the normal Dutch population. Those that are integrated, are less likely to be overweight. What a simple conclusion we arrive to! Instead of looking at the factors as to why this may be (different upbringing, different diet, different stress on health or body image)...its instantly related to the level of integration. This gives those hard-core right wing Dutchies the opportunity to slam immigrants again, that we are lazy, jobless and hopeless cases. But now that I am about to become jobless again...maybe I will better fit the data and support their findings. But I gotta say, I've integrated into society by being employed this past year...but the stress from actually working and trying to learn dutch 2 nights a week has driven me to eat more out of stress. I think this research made to find out just exactly what the gov't wanted to hear...to offer more propaganda as to why immigrants need to integrate.
What is also quite interesting is that M is going to start working for the SCP in a month, as a researcher. I hope he will only be bringing home "the bacon"...and not more propaganda.
Wednesday, August 20, 2008
A little gem
You'd think by now I'm aware of how life works here in the Netherlands, what "business-as-usual" really is. But sometimes I'm still surprised by some interesting quirks that I did not yet know about or experience yet in Dutch culture. One such little gem caught me off guard when I went to the movies a few weeks back to see the new Batman movie. The Dark Knight is a pretty long movie, as far as most mainstream blockbuster movies go. It is a hefty 2.5 hours long. Apparently, in Holland, you don't always just pay a simple flat ticket fee per movie, but rather, by how long the movie is! When a movie is defined as 'extra long', you have to pay an extra 1 euro per ticket!! You can imagine my shock, even though I'm pretty good at rolling my eyes by now, after having had lived here for over 3 yrs (in total). But what "they" define as an extra long movie, I really don't know, but have I ever received a discount for an extra short movie? I don't think so! If you often think that American culture is the only consumerist/make-as-much-profit-as-you-can economy...think again. The Dutch just do it differently, and that's what I have to keep telling myself. But of course, that doesn't mean I will ever get used to it!
Monday, August 18, 2008
Jam session
What is more quintessential European than going to a market to buy fresh fruit on a Saturday morning? How about cooking in the kitchen with three French women! In my new role as house-wife, there's a "few" (read: a lot!) culinary skills that I am lacking at! A week ago Saturday, I spent the afternoon with these three ladies (one is a friend, and the other two I met that day for the first time) making jam!
We started out the day at noon, buying kilos of fruit! We bought strawberries, cherries, red currants, nectarines and pears. Probably over 12 kilos in total. We sat around the table cutting and pitting and talked about what comes natural to four foreigners brought together for an afternoon: about living in Holland as a foreigner all because of love. It was very relaxing, and enjoyable. While the first batch of jam was boiling, we had lunch of quiche and pepperoni (bell pepper) salad. Simply delicious!
After 5 hours, we finally had our final product--jars and jars of jam. One batch was red berries, and the other was the nectarine-pear combo. I have yet to try it, but it is sitting in my fridge getting a bit more jelly-like in consistency. But however it turns out, it was definitely a day well spent! If you don't hear from me anymore, then you know it was the jam!
We started out the day at noon, buying kilos of fruit! We bought strawberries, cherries, red currants, nectarines and pears. Probably over 12 kilos in total. We sat around the table cutting and pitting and talked about what comes natural to four foreigners brought together for an afternoon: about living in Holland as a foreigner all because of love. It was very relaxing, and enjoyable. While the first batch of jam was boiling, we had lunch of quiche and pepperoni (bell pepper) salad. Simply delicious!
After 5 hours, we finally had our final product--jars and jars of jam. One batch was red berries, and the other was the nectarine-pear combo. I have yet to try it, but it is sitting in my fridge getting a bit more jelly-like in consistency. But however it turns out, it was definitely a day well spent! If you don't hear from me anymore, then you know it was the jam!
Monday, August 11, 2008
summer holiday
well, we've been back a month now! at least there have been some days of sunshine and "heat" to make it feel like summer. at least we had to use the fan a few days at night to keep cool. and its been nice to not have things to do in the evenings after work..no class, no basketball. but I've still keeping myself relatively busy, but with a few other more enjoyable things. I've had some stress too, job-related, but that is nothing new. two weeks ago, after work on a Thursday, i went to the beach in The Hague for dinner on the beach with M and his best-man, K. It was nice to sit and eat our dinner and drink wine on the beach. wish i could do that every day.
But truly is summer vacation here...maybe not for me, but for the rest of Holland! Its really drastically noticeable: the trains are emptier in the rush-hour times, and there is a lot less traffic on the streets, and the grocery stores aren't as packed and insane. Mid-July thru mid-August is summer vacation for Holland. The last two weekends in July are said to be some of the busiest days of the whole year at Schiphol airport. The last weekend in July, it was estimated that almost 1 million (of the 16 million) inhabitants of Holland were out of the country! Dutchies like to travel. Dutchies also like to camp. The biggest destinations for dutchies are Germany and France, and I'm sure a large majority of those people/families are camping. (sounds familiar...like my honeymoon...). I've enjoyed having a seat to sit in on the train every morning...but on the way home in the evening, there are a lot more tourists, including Dutchies, who come to Amsterdam for the day, and clog up the train on the way home with crazy loud kids and lots of shopping bags. Seeing all the young 20-something backpackers in Amsterdam Central Station really makes me want to take off and travel as well. Maybe next year...
Now, with the olympics started, my evenings will be spent catching up on the daily activities in Beijing. Whenever there is some inter-country sport on and the Netherlands is playing, I will support them, and vice versa with the USA--M will support the US (usually). But what do you do when these two countries play each other? Well, words get thrown out there that can't be repeated on this blog...and its everyone for themselves. Luckily this does not happen too often, but especially now, during the Olympics, our true patriotism (for sports) shows. The first major match up came in the form of soccer yesterday afternoon, where it was NL vs USA. the US played better, and was set to win it 2-1, but at literally the last 30 seconds of the extra time of the 2nd half, Holland scored on a free kick...so it was a tie, 2-2. I suppose that is the safest outcome for us as a couple: a draw...no bragging rights for either of us!
Swimming is the other major sport where Holland shines, so the 100m mens freestyle is the big race to watch here, where national swimming hero Peter van den Hoogenband will match up vs American swimming hero Michael Phelps. Should be a good one. and in under one minute, it'll all be done. I'm looking forward to it!
But truly is summer vacation here...maybe not for me, but for the rest of Holland! Its really drastically noticeable: the trains are emptier in the rush-hour times, and there is a lot less traffic on the streets, and the grocery stores aren't as packed and insane. Mid-July thru mid-August is summer vacation for Holland. The last two weekends in July are said to be some of the busiest days of the whole year at Schiphol airport. The last weekend in July, it was estimated that almost 1 million (of the 16 million) inhabitants of Holland were out of the country! Dutchies like to travel. Dutchies also like to camp. The biggest destinations for dutchies are Germany and France, and I'm sure a large majority of those people/families are camping. (sounds familiar...like my honeymoon...). I've enjoyed having a seat to sit in on the train every morning...but on the way home in the evening, there are a lot more tourists, including Dutchies, who come to Amsterdam for the day, and clog up the train on the way home with crazy loud kids and lots of shopping bags. Seeing all the young 20-something backpackers in Amsterdam Central Station really makes me want to take off and travel as well. Maybe next year...
Now, with the olympics started, my evenings will be spent catching up on the daily activities in Beijing. Whenever there is some inter-country sport on and the Netherlands is playing, I will support them, and vice versa with the USA--M will support the US (usually). But what do you do when these two countries play each other? Well, words get thrown out there that can't be repeated on this blog...and its everyone for themselves. Luckily this does not happen too often, but especially now, during the Olympics, our true patriotism (for sports) shows. The first major match up came in the form of soccer yesterday afternoon, where it was NL vs USA. the US played better, and was set to win it 2-1, but at literally the last 30 seconds of the extra time of the 2nd half, Holland scored on a free kick...so it was a tie, 2-2. I suppose that is the safest outcome for us as a couple: a draw...no bragging rights for either of us!
Swimming is the other major sport where Holland shines, so the 100m mens freestyle is the big race to watch here, where national swimming hero Peter van den Hoogenband will match up vs American swimming hero Michael Phelps. Should be a good one. and in under one minute, it'll all be done. I'm looking forward to it!
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