Too sensitive to be a non-conformist in Holland

Expatica.com, a website for expats living and working in Holland, has a guest weekly blogger who can write 'wry commentary on expat life in Holland'. He writes about being a non-conformist in a country where more and more people are becoming nationalistic, which isn't always good for people like us ---> immigrants! I think it is a good post/article, and I can naturally very much identify with some of his language issues/problems. This in particular:

"I no longer try to communicate with shop assistants in my imperfect Dutch. They do not react as in other countries, where delight greets your attempt to speak the language. At the very first mistake the arm is raised. A yellow card is unavoidable. One more wrongly pronounced vowel and it's red. You hear, 'So! Now we will both speak English, together.' What a thrill! "

http://www.expatica.com/actual/article.asp?subchannel_id=1&story_id=38220

This is what I am partly so afraid of. I feel guilty that I should be speaking their language in their country, but the few times I do try, shop keepers or whoever, can obviously tell right away that Dutch is not my native language, so they respond in English, without even first seeing if I understand their response (besides the IKEA incident). This whole process is just so frustrating. I feel guilty for not speaking 'their' language, but geeze, I've only been here a few weeks, and granted I've lived here before (but they don't know that!), but that was as a student when English worked all the time and I didn't care what shop owners thought of me. Now I'm supposed to be an actual resident, long term, and I do care what other people think of me...especially when I don't have a support group/friends that I belong to here. I can't magically speak Dutch, and its a very hard language at that. There are vowel sounds I simply cannot say. For example...the most important and embarrassing example...I can't even pronounce the 'ieu' in the name of the person I moved here to be with!

A more practical example...yesterday I went to the Aboriginal Museum in Utrecht, since I have the museum card and the ticket is then free...and I have nothing else to do...I went in and wanted to get a entrance ticket. Perhaps I did not start the conversation off as a proper Dutch person would, but I spoke in Dutch. Red card goes up; the girl, who looked my age, looked at me and took a stab in the dark and squinted, and asked, "English?" and I replied.."sure"....another attempt denied. She was trying to be nice I'm sure, as she handed me a booklet of the English translations of the artists' biography. I can't go a day without this happening at least once. That is, unless I stay inside and not go anywhere.

Due to my sensitive and sometimes anxious personality, I (want to) avoid interactions like this. I realized I was in the fitting room at the 'WE' clothing store and I knew I wouldn't know how to respond to the girl on the way out while giving my clothes back that I didn't want them. For the whole 5 minutes I was in there, I was thinking of what to say..and I knew in the end I wouldn't be able to say anything. Well, at least I walked away too fast for her to say something in English.

Purple in morning light

Purple in morning light
Originally uploaded by dutchlop.

Spring time in Holland means flowers blooming everywhere! This hyacinth is in my kitchen, and it enjoys the early morning light. I just think they are pretty. :-)

Last night, M had some dinner with all the geography PhD people ...which left me all by myself, b/c he stated ever so bluntly that I was not invited (that is the Dutch way, right?). oookkkk then, that's nice. so you get to go out and spend 35 euros on dinner, and I stay home by myself and eat leftovers...especially when I am alone by myself all day as it is. I don't want to invite myself and of course I'm not a PhD student so of course I know it is not appropriate for me to go...but why do I still feel alone? Now I wouldn't see him until after midnight..so basically not at all. I know, in a normal relationship, this happens all the time. People have separate lives. I'm not used to that yet, b/c every time we are together, and there's some group get together like a happy hour in DC, I always invited him and he would meet us there after work. But I don't have a normal life here yet, and I realized, once again, that I am extremely dependent upon him, just to be there. Really I see that of course I should not go...but since I sit at home alone til 5pm as it is, it wasn't nice to think about sitting home til 12am alone, while he is out having a nice time with colleagues. I just have to get used to that until I can find my own 'group' of people/friends to hang out with.

Luckily for me, my only friend here, V, her Dutchie was also not going to be home that evening as well, he had a class in Den Haag and wouldn't be home til late. So we got together and had a glass of wine and some tea and talked and I got to see her new home which is really nice. It is on the 5th or 6th floor of this apt building, and it has a view to the Dom tower even. Very nice! I got home around 12 or so...M wasn't home til about 1230 almost. But its nice to hear encouraging words from V, as she has gone through the same sort of thing (although she was in school first and never had this much 'down time', as she had her work permit while in school, so after she was done, she could automatically start working). She speaks fluent Dutch, even though Spanish is her native language...and I can't help but be in a bit of awe. But she has a 'girl club' that I can join up with too...so at least once in awhile I can hang out with some girls..I'm sure there's plenty of girlie movies that M will refuse to see with me! And a girl needs other girlfriends in her life...to complain about the boys!

Good luck finding a seat...

What happens when the sun comes out from behind the clouds and the temperature rises above 50 degrees? All the Dutchies come out of the woodwork (buildings), and sit outside on terraces in front of all the cafes, drinking a beer or a coffee or perhaps a cola (light). The past two days have been very pleasant...yesterday it was probably even over 60 degrees...it felt like summer!

I actually had something to do...in the afternoon I helped my one and only friend here in Utrecht clean her old apartment because she and her Dutchie recently bought their very first home (...an apartment, as this is Holland after all!)...they moved last weekend, and are still working on fixing it up and unpacking. But yesterday we got together, cleaned for about 3 + hours, and seeing as it was so nice out, we went to the city center, in search of an open table at a cafe where we could get something to drink and eat. We rode by many places, there weren't even chairs available! Finally we found one place, we weren't in the sun, but we were outside. We both had a cola light and come tortilla chips with (fake) guacamole. Its fun to watch people walking by, their fashion choices and their actions....

But then I can't help but wonder, where did all these people come from!?! They aren't just students....doesn't anyone work around here? I'm sure a large majority of people skip out on work...but how can that be cool with their jobs? And its not just the lunch hour, its all afternoon these people sit outside - at the cafe, on benches, on the wharf along the Oude Gracht...

It reminds me of my younger days, when I was here for the first time in school...and everything was new and wonderful, and I didn't have many responsibilities, and I actually had a group of fellow international friends I could sit with. Now, I'm older, unemployed, have many responsibilities and perhaps a bit jaded....perhaps that is the best time to go lounge around at a cafe!!

Where is the equality!?

Well, hopefully this week will bring some variety to my emailing/grocery shopping/cleaning/bunny talking days...since I cannot legally work, I thought that well, I have time to volunteer now, for once. I looked at Utrecht's website for vrijwilligerwerk (literally free-will-work)...and everything on there, I had to be able to speak Dutch. I didn't look through all of them, since there were hundreds, but the postings I did look at, all Dutch. Its like they don't even want me to help them for FREE! Tough life here. So then offer me a Dutch class for under 800euros so I can afford to learn the language!

But there was one ad that caught my attention. Strowis, the only youth hostel in Utrecht that I know of, is looking for volunteers to do cleaning/guest services/reception, that kind of thing. I think that would be so neat...I could meet some new people, I could work on using Dutch, and I wouldn't be spending my time in this apt all day long. I don't mind cleaning...I do it anyways here. Plus this place has a very relaxed atmosphere. This building was once a squatter place, and in order to avoid eviction by the city, they decided to make it into a youth hostel; they've been open for about 10 years now. The building is over 400 years old.
http://www.strowis.nl/GB-html/hostel-utrecht-general.html

Even better, I stayed here myself 2 different times back in 2002....I started my history in Utrecht at this place!
This is where my sister and I discovered the band "Headmix", but they are no longer together unfortunately. When I arrived yesterday, Manu Chao was playing. I had a chat with the owner, he told me about the place, what he was looking for, I told him a bit about myself...there are 3 different shifts in a day, and he expects volunteers to do at least 6 shifts within a 4 week period, or something like that. I'm still interested, but I think my short time looking to volunteer (5-6 months) is a bit of a turnoff, because it would take me at least half that time to understand their whole booking system, etc. He is also a bit concerned b/c I don't speak Dutch, and that I wouldn't be able to help answer the phones, etc. But that most people speak English anyways, so I could get by on helping with breakfast and cleaning, etc. But he is going to talk to his colleagues and get back to me..not sure when.

I also 'joined' M's bball team at the Olympus (university sports center)...they play every Monday night. It's a co-ed team, but from what I've seen last week, and in the years past that I've watched them play (I also was on my own team with some peeps back in 2002 in the same league)...that the overall majority of the girls on these teams (2 or 3 at most)...are really not good at all (unless you're watching the top league)....Basketball is not as popular here ...and kids don't join rec leagues when they're younger like they do in the US. Courtball seems to be more popular...while sort of similar...the shooting style , and well...its not the same. The same for the boys...they just play this sort of street ball, and its hard to get people here to work as a team or play with any sort of offense! The guys on this team are decent, they're all tall of course so they can rebound and can shoot from the post, etc...but there's no offensive play. We won actually yesterday, which was good. And I had fun. I can tell I have not been jogging for 2 months. But I have not played in an organized league/bball game in probably almost 4 years (so sad!!)..but I was still pretty ok, I was 2 for 6, and 1 of the 6 was blocked. All that high school bball was worth something...I think they were impressed..b/c they usually deal with girls who don't add anything. But its partly their fault..certain boys just don't pass to girls...even if they are open. They just don't. I experienced this yesterday. This is the case so much so, that the league changed the rules, and that any shot a girl makes, its 3 points, not 2. That will help encourage passing to girls....that is such BS, but if it really truly helps influence some guys to pass off to a girl, so be it. Quite sad. Where is the equality!
In any case, my fiance is the captain of the team, so I think I'll be able to play every week! ;-)

I have superhuman powers!

I have superhuman powers!
Originally uploaded by dutchlop.

Today with my Museumkaart, I went to the "Spoorweg Museum"...the Train Museum, here in Utrecht. I love trains, actually, so it was kinda neat. And it wasn't as childish as I thought it would be. We didn't have enough time to look at everything, as we had to buy some stuff at the market before M had his basketball practice...but I can go back again as many times as I'd like this year. With a Museumkaart, I can visit almost all the museums in Holland for free! The card costs probably around 25-30 euros, but is totally worth it when one museum visit could well be over 10euros per visit. This one was over 13 euros for an adult! I think that is a bit steep for this kind of museum!

It was here that I single-handedly tried to stop a speeding steam engine train.

Good thing it wasn't actually moving, or I would have been run over.

I think this picture is rather representative of my life right now. My life is on a certain track...but at this point, its not really moving, nothing is happening...and I can't do anything about it.

Unrest in Ondiep

For those uninformed on Dutch daily news (I should see all your hands up!), last week, there were some riots in the neighborhood bordering the one I live in. This is from Paul Belien's "The Brussels Journal":

"Ondiep, a working class neighbourhood, a day after the death of a 54-year old indigenous Dutchman who was shot by a police officer, non-immigrant citizens went on a rampage, burning cars, looting shops and arsoning a community centre.

Apparently Mulder intervened when Muslim youths harassed a pregnant native Dutch woman. He was able to grab the knife of one of the youths. When the police arrived Mulder was shot because he had raised the knife. Witnesses say Mulder was indicating to the police that he had called for them.

Locals claim the police has failed to protect them for years. They say the authorities are afraid of the immigrants and tolerate their criminal behaviour. After the death of Mulder the indigenous Dutch decided they had had enough and started riots which went on for two continuous nights. The police made 130 arrests: 60 of them are Ondiep residents. According to the mainstream media, the others are mainly “football hooligans” from other parts of the country. Annie Brouwer-Korf, the Socialist mayor of Utrecht, has ordered Ondiep to be sealed off from the rest of town to keep non-residents out. She expressed some sympathy for the frustrated Ondiep residents. 'I understand that residents are sometimes upset about the nuisance around their own house and neighbourhood. That does you no good whatsoever.' "

Ondiep is next to Overvecht, the neighborhood I live in. When M and I returned to Utrecht last week Thursday after 10 days out of town, things were settling down, but we still saw cops on horse patrol, and we saw one of the blockaded checkpoint entrances to the neighborhood. Those fences have since been taken down, but the pain and problems have not been healed and fixed! All this behavior and rioting is a whole different discussion in itself (how the Dutch culture is not as tolerant as the world all thinks it is and the rising issue of native and immigrant relations , and what is 'Dutch integration'....), I think its definitely a sign of the times, and something I keep in mind everyday here when I go out and try to be apart of society...not as a university student and not as a tourist, but as an immigrant resident of Utrecht. It happens in a big way as in Ondiep, or in little ways like at IKEA.

Another relevant issue besides immigrant relations, is this idea of 'trouble neighborhoods'. The Dutch seem to like to be able to rationalize and categorize a lot of things. The Minister for Living, Neighbourhoods and Integration, Ella Vogelaar, presented a list of 40 problem neighbourhoods in all of Holland, on Thursday. How they define and categorize a whole neighborhood, I do not completely know... But even more interesting, is that the neighborhood I live in, is on this list of 40 neighborhoods! Its me! One of the many immigrants in this 'neighborhood' (which is actually a large portion of the north side of Utrecht)! I actually don't think its all that bad here; its definitely not the most quaint of places, just a bunch of mid-rise apartment buildings between 4 and 10 stories high. Its not what you may picture when mentally picturing Holland...not little farm houses along a canal with tulips in front. Its definitely not my idea of 'authentic' Dutch style housing, but it'll have to do on our income (his income!). But, Overvecht is labeled a problem neighborhood...but is it b/c of actual facts, or just reputation?

Good thing my finance is doing his PhD study on such a topic, for the past 2 years already!

I have to go venture out into the neighborhood now to buy some groceries... I hope I will return in one piece...this is such a problem ghetto neighborhood afterall!

For those interested, here is a link with all the 40 problem neighborhoods in the Netherlands, categorized by city.

http://www.vng.nl/Documenten/Extranet/40wijkenlijst.pdf

Trudy Trudy Trudy Truuuuddy (or, how the netherlands is not as tolerant as you may think)

Earlier this week, I paid a visit to our local Utrecht IKEA. I went there to buy some dinnerware, decorations, etc (you can see them on my Flickr page, if you click the link in the lower right or this page). But first, I had to return a clock that was not working properly. Sounds, simple right? Little did I know, I was going to get an extra dose of rudeness and far right politics.

I do know how to speak a little bit of Dutch. I understand a lot, actually, if not word for word, then usually the general idea...especially in daily activities (maybe not university lectures, etc). But I thought I was being nice, when I started the conversation out in Dutch, not English..instead of just sort of coming out of nowhere and speaking English (which could be rather pretentious of me to assume that this woman spoke English), I started out in Dutch saying "do you speak English?" Plus, I also thought, if we both wanted the following conversation to be comprehensible, it was going to have to be in English. She replied in Dutch "do you speak dutch?" and then in English continued with "you live in Holland, you should speak dutch." I was really taken aback by this, because I did not expect that response from her ...so all I could muster up was "I've only been here 2 weeks!!"...but in my head I was thinking, "WTF! I've only been here 2 weeks!! who the hell do you think you are?". That was it for that, and the returning of the clock went on in English....but really...I am just trying to return a clock, I don't think her political beliefs should be made evident there...nor am I asking for her to tell me what I should do. She has no idea about my personal situation - like if I am even living here to begin with! Or how long I've been here, if I am trying to learn Dutch, etc. I was rather upset while walking to my promised land of 200 lights and 1000 glasses and 500 clothes hangers...but then I thought, maybe she was joking? If that is a weird Dutch blunt sense of humor...but then I thought, no, I was offended by that, its not funny. At all.

I got the woman's name before I left the store, and M called IKEA to complain after I got home. That political crap is not needed when I'm only returning a clock! He asked for a written apology, so we'll see what happens. The customer service person for IKEA already apologized
for IKEA...but of course they can't apologize for the woman herself. Unfortunately, I am too attached to IKEA to not go there again...and I am too nice of a person to say something mean back to someone usually (I needed to return the clock...she's the one who had to decide to do it for me or not). I have to stop being too sensitive for their feelings/language...but the problem is, I'm sure this situation will happen again in the near future.

Oh, and her name was Trudy. She had a yellow scarf and brown hair. Be warned!

How to gain Dutch residency

The first and most aggravating process of moving to a new country: registering yourself as a new resident. When you enter the country, you get a stamp in your passport, a tourist visa, good for three months. Then you must leave the country.

If you intend to stay, you need to register for residency with the city first, then send all sorts of papers to the Immigration people. Family visas are one way to stay- reuniting family members, married partners, or regular partners/bf/gf. This is the visa I am on, a partner visa.

After going to the city hall, first thing, we knew we had all our papers in order, followed the directions, and were ready to pay our 830 euros (830!?!?! that is so much money! First sign they really don't want me here in Holland). But this man who served us didn't seem to really know what was going on, he wanted to make an appointment for us to come back in 3 weeks, to 'go over the paperwork and see if everything is there', to pay the money and to get my temporary visa in my passport. This was rather aggravating because we KNEW all the info was there and we were ready and willing to pay. We are educated people who can read directions and have been preparing for this for months and months. The sooner we pay, the sooner they submit the paperwork to the IND... if we had to wait 3 weeks, that is 3 more weeks that I will be uninsured thru M's health insurance, and 3 more weeks that I will be unable to legally work (how am I supposed to then contribute and be apart of Dutch society...they want me to integrate, correct?). The next day we called the city back and M talked to someone else who said that we could come in on Friday of that week and pay and get my sticker. It was all taken care of within 10 minutes, once we got there on Friday. I have the most expensive sticker ever made within my passport. Its only valid for 6 months. Technically, what is supposed to happen, is that I will get a ID card from the IND within 6 months..but that is a big IF.

So overall, with some sidesteps, that actually didn't go too bad. We did go in circles with these people sometimes, but it I had a sticker...it was ok.

Now, its up to the IND. The typical waiting time is 4-6 months to hear on the status of your immigration papers/visa. They say that you should have a reply within 6 months. M said he'd call every week to check up on them (...like that will help!). But hopefully it won't hurt anything.

So within those 6 months, I am not allowed to work, legally. After I get my permit, then I can apply for a work permit, which could also take several weeks. So at this point, it is pointless almost for me to apply to any jobs, because I don't have the right papers to do so. But that doesn't mean I'm not looking.

In the mean time, I need to find things to do to keep me busy because I will get rather bored, quickly, I'm sure. A few weeks of not working, its like summer vacation...but I need some structure and routine in my life or I get irritated. And I want to make some money, because I want to be able to buy what I want or to travel. It won't be able to happen on a single income at this point. For now, I'm a haus frau, doing the grocery shopping and hanging out with the bunnies.

New Chapter in Life

On Feb 24th, I immigrated to Utrecht, the Netherlands, to be with my love, who happens to be Dutch. The process of immigrating may initially seem easy, physically speaking, and it was. I resigned from my job, working for the federal government in Washington D.C., sold all my things, bought a one way ticket to Amsterdam, and here I am. Its that easy.

Mentally, that is another story. Its been a month since I left my old home to come to the new one, and it still has not hit me yet that I really am staying here, and I'm not just visiting. It will catch up with me soon, how much I miss seeing and talking with my friends, those that I saw on a daily or weekly basis back in DC. True, they are a phone call away, but the day to day relationships won't be the same. I have moved many times before, so I know how it works, it is nothing new to me. But above all, this move was 5 years in the making, so that M and I could have a 'normal' relationship finally and end this long distance pain, and be together for good. I'm happy to be here with him in our apartment, but of course at the sacrifice of a lot of things in my life: nearby friends, family, financial income and financial independence, my language, and my 'culture'...but yet, knowing this before hand, I still decided to move, I'm glad that I did! I'm finally together with M!

This blog will share the interesting experiences I come across here in Holland, either with my 'integration' process with the Dutch beauracracy, with the general Dutch public, my general day to day life experiences as an 'outsider'...as an alien, or 'allochtoon' in Dutch. But also, I reserve the right to talk about anything that may arise...travels, food, IKEA, and of course bunnies! We'll see how this blog transforms and takes shape.