true love, forever

true love, forever
Originally uploaded by dutchlop.

This past week has been one of the most difficult weeks, emotionally, in a long time. One week ago today, my first bunny love, Rosie (left), died. It came as a great and sudden shock, as she did not seem terminally ill. She died while at the the vet's office on Tuesday morning, probably of either a heart attack or of being unable to breathe, probably from stress. Only in the last month was she not breathing quite normal. Since the last week or so of August she was sneezing a lot. I took her to the vet the first week in Sept and she got some antibiotics for her sneezing. She stopped while on the meds, but soon after they were over, about 2 wks ago now, she started sneezing again, a hard sneeze, not a normal bunny sneeze. I also noticed that i could hear her breathing harder thru her nose, and her lungs were moving differently. I asked M to take her in to the vet last Tuesday morning, his last day of work at his old job. I left home in a rush that morning because I was running late. I didn't say goodbye to her, because I never ever thought she wouldn't come home alive. I will always regret that. I thought this would be just a normal check-up and she'd be home. I did feel that she wasn't healthy and probably wouldn't live for another year. I actually said that to my mom on the phone on sunday. But never would I think that 2 days later, she would die! I'm still in shock and disbelief, one week later.

Her x-ray showed that her lung capacity was much much smaller than normal due to a build up of fluid around her heart. The reason for this, we will never know. The vet tried to revive her with a shot of adrenaline to the heart and oxygen, but it didn't work. Rosie wanted to go over the rainbow bridge where the fields are greener and there are endless carrots and cranberries to eat, where she can binky as much as she wants, and breathe easily. She is survived by her hus-bun, Japie. He will miss her terribly, and we can tell a definite change in his character in this last week; he is lonely and misses Rosie.
I've never cried so much for an extended period of time, in my life. Every day all last week, I would cry for my dear Rosiie. This has been really very very difficult.

but, i know, that perhaps this was the best way for her to go, she knew to make it as easy as possible for us (me especially). she wasn't sick very long, she wasn't in pain for long, she didnt let us see her suffer, and she didnt make us make a decision to put her to sleep (that would be horrible). and i'm glad she didnt die when we were in the US, or this weekend when we will be gone. she would have died soon anyways, bc of her lung capacity/heart. so this was probably best. i just wish she didn't have to die! burying her was extremely hard to do, to put her in the cold dark wet ground. and it was all so rushed, i didn't have time to fully grieve, bc we had to bury her before it got dark out. when i got home from work (after crying all day at work), we had a goodbye ceremony here at home. we said our goodbyes and gave her her last noserubs. it was so strange how still and stiff she was, i just kept expecting her to wake up--she was still so soft and fluffy. japie said his goodbye too. that was very sad as well, to watch. We buried rosie with carrots and basil, with some wildflower seeds we gave away at our wedding in june, as well as with flowers and a note i wrote to her. we wrapped her up in her favorite blanket that she and japie used to cuddle up in so much.

its still hard for me to think of her laying there. our house is empty without her big personality around. she was mean to bram and lily. she was bossy yet sweet with japie, her love. she was obedient to us. when we said 'cage', she knew what to do (and expected a treat afterwards!). she also took out my nose piercing, back in 2004...in some weird mental-message my mom sent her (my mom wanted the nose peircing out, so rosie did it!). she always greeted me in the morning, excited for her breakfast. she would steal carrots from japie and hold them in her mouth above his head so he couldn't reach it. she was a really special bun with a distinct character. she was my first pet ever, and my first bunny-love; she showed me that i was capable of loving an animal so much, that she became a member of our family. it was with her, that my love-affair with rabbits started.

i hate to think of her buried in the cold, wet ground. we had to bury her in the rain, before it got dark out. we buried her in a forested area in the polder area, just about a mile from here. we visited her again on saturday and left her some flowers. she will be terribly missed. and we love her so much. rest in peace rosie. you were a wonderful bunny friend.

For her tribute page and some more pictures, please see my flickr page:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/bunnyloversunite/discuss/72157607595447128/