roller coaster summer

Hard to believe that over 2 months has gone by since the last post. This has been a mostly good summer, and time has flown by. My brother and sister came for a one week visit in early June. This was a wonderful time and the highlight of the summer. Of course the time was too short and was over so quickly!

I've continued working on through June and July, with a few non-work-related fun things here and there. I started jogging again with Matt about 3 times a week, to get me on track for a 5-k run, but that is not my plan to run an actual 5k race, its only a training schedule. The last 2 wks have not been very good due to lack of time. I'm not much of a runner/jogger anyways, but if it will help me stay somewhat ready for the up coming basketball season, then why not. And I want my pants to continue to fit me. Matt and I also started going to a yoga class. It is pretty tough stuff, and involves a lot more sweating that I imagined. The calming nature of yoga has yet to show its face. Its kind of painful at times, but I hope it will change something for the better.

My continued search for satisfying employment has not resulted in anything new yet. Luckily (I suppose), my contract was renewed for 6 more months, so at least I will have an income for now. This continues to be my overbearing problem in my life, with the lack of job satisfaction overtaking every other area in my life and often times I become pretty upset and depressed. And of course this job situation is reflective of my living here in Holland, so many doubts arise daily and often hourly if this is the right place for me. Even after 2.5+ years here full time, my feelings about living here are still a roller coaster ride. I wonder if this will ever change. Probably not. It is a almost constant internal battle/discussion in my head.

Another friend of mine has left Amsterdam and moved home. Another will move back home in a month and a half. Re-reading the book My Dam Life, by Sean Condon, a few weeks back was a good choice; reading about another expat's attempt at normal functioning life as an foreigner in Holland (before the rules got so strict even) and later failure was a bit comforting, knowing I am not the only one in this situation. Of course it doesn't actually help in the long run, my situation has not changed. But I am trying very hard sometimes to change the way I view and look at the situation itself. While the idea of moving back to the US has come up several times in conversation this summer, its not a real feasible plan at this point in time. For now, I will remain here, and try to change certain aspects in my life that will maybe help me enjoy myself more in the present, and try not to worry about things I cannot change in the future....Again, leading to the roller coaster emotions.