general feeling

I know that it sounds as if I'm a bigger fan for the US than Holland at this time. I can see where you may get that impression. When people ask me if I like it here, I say "sometimes yes, sometimes no". But I also say, if i didn't like it here, I wouldn't be here. Yes, the first and foremost reason I'm here is because of my partner. Five years ago, after my semester here, I would have given almost anything to continue to live here. But things are different here when you are a student. There are things to do, people your age to hang out with, programs created for you, etc. As a regular resident, its different...its real life! And when I can't communicate or have lasting relationships here in real life, it is harder, and with my tendencies of being a more negative person, I get down about it more often and let it affect me more.

So I was thinking, what are the things here I like? Why do I stay here?

I like the church bells that ring every 15 minutes on the quarter hour. I like the quaint little brick streets. I like that I'm living in such an old place with history. I like the little shops, the open windows, the brick streets, the oldness to it. Its more sophisticated here (I'm not saying I am though!). It's just different than what I grew up with. Transportation is easy. Its a good base for travel around Europe. The government seems to care for its citizens more than in the US. There are fewer scandals here. I feel safe (there are under 200 murders in the entire country per year). Guns are illegal. There are a lot of people from different nationalities who live here. The food is different. I like the spring when the flowers bloom. I like the summer when it is light until 10pm and every one sits outside at a cafe terraces along the canals drinking a beer. I like that it is a less hectic life here (although not for me this year). You get more vacation days to spend with your family. If my children go to school here, they will be able to learn at least three languages. People here are (in general) more informed on worldly affairs: both historic and current. Due to the small size of this country, all news concerns other countries.

These reasons aren't anything definite, its all kind of abstract. Its sort of a general feeling I get, when walking the streets of Amsterdam or Utrecht, for example. So I suppose it is rather personal, and I feel some sense of emptiness in these abstract feelings, because I can only share it with myself. But the personal experiences I've had are the harder thing to get past, that it is very difficult to find and make friends here, or people who take a genuine interest in you and make an effort to be your friend. Personal relationships are what binds a person to a place, and feel a bit more fulfilled and whole. Its often difficult to get past the idea that it is just a cultural thing, and that its just the way it is here. Sometimes I even wonder how I met M. Again, its the difference between student life and 'normal adult life'. When you're young, you're a bit more open to talking and meeting new people. When you're out of school, you're past that socializing time, and you have your established 'people'.

Even though I like it here because it is different, I know that is also the same reason I will some day return to the US as well.