Reflections on another year

A pretty major anniversary has passed recently. On January 4th, 2002, I made a decision to board a plane, and that decision has forever brought my life to a more defined path. Yes, I did decide earlier in 2001 to go, but to actually get on that plane was a step in the direction of change. I specifically remember standing at O'Hare with my sister and dad, hugging and saying goodbye. That in itself was not unusual, as going to university in a different state, I always had to say goodbye, at least 2 or 3 times a year to them. But this was bigger- I was leaving the country for 6 months. After living in Germany on a student high school exchange in 1998, I always figured and wanted to live abroad again, and a college study abroad semester is the best and easiest opportunity to take advantage of a chance to live somewhere else for a half year. But, as I was standing before the checkpoint, I asked, through tears, "what am I doing!?!" It seemed like the natural thing to do, to just go abroad, but to actually step on the plane, and leave my friends in Oklahoma behind for 7 months...what was I going to do in Holland anyways? Why was I going?

Six years later, January 4, 2008, here I am, back in Holland. Little did I know six years ago, that I would have the best six months of my life that would take me on a track that would never have happened if I would have stayed home for the spring semester of my junior year in Oklahoma. I met the man I am going to marry. I also have friends around the world, I have traveled a lot, spent a lot of money on plane tickets and phone calls, developed an allergy problem that I have no idea how to solve, and am living in a historic cultural city. I'd say, except for the allergy problem, it was a good choice to get on that plane.

So, six years later, and recently back from a visit to the 'motherland' after being away for 10 months, what better time to write a bit about my thoughts on the these two countries, before the memories start to fade again, as I get back into the busy swing of things here in Utrecht, and I don't have time to think clearly. Granted, it is difficult to to be fair on the good and bad only based on the one week I spent there, when it was a 'happy time' during the holidays. And a short visit is not real every day life and all that comes with it. Visiting during a nice time during a holiday cannot give you a clear picture of what it is normally like.

First of all, when re-entering the US, its so strange, because only 8 hours ago, you were somewhere completely different. You realize how easy it is to travel the world. Suddenly you're in the oddly-familiar surroundings of a passport control line at O'Hare. You see the people you are used to in your country. You hear the accents, the slang. You see the bewildered old dutch women in line at the bathroom a bit bewildered by the new people they are surrounded by in the airport. You also see the passport line 10 times as long for visitors. You hear the 'welcome to the United States of America...' announcement in the most dull, monotone, and unemotional male voice ever.

You hear English being spoken all around you. From the other Americans in line with you, from the police, from the airport workers in their slang with a slight sound of annoyance at having to work and deal with us, the people waiting in line. It is like a major overload on the senses to suddenly hear English all over the place, when for the last 10 months, you've been tuning your ears specifically for English, because when you hear it on the streets in Holland, its not as normal. You hear words and conversations you don't want to hear. You must practice tuning outside words and conversations out for the next 10 days. (You later figure out that this affects your listening skills with your fiance as you don't hear or listen as closely as you once did).

In general, the most noticeable thing about the difference between people in Holland and the US are the personalities. Of course, there are always exceptions, there can be jerks all over the world, and really nice people too. But in general, I think Americans are more friendly and open to just talking to someone they don't know. It is extremely noticeable of the this cheerful and helpful attitude when you go out to eat in a restaurant. The server is overly friendly to you, its hysterical how over the top friendly she is. However, since you are eating with a friend who doesn't know how it is elsewhere, she wouldn't find it funny. I think its funny, but I also enjoy it this overly friendly or overly accommodating treatment. I'm not laughing at them, I'm laughing (in my head) at the such stark contrasts in people's attitudes in a similar job position. Of course, in the US people are also working for tips, and get paid crap wages in a waitress position. In Europe, they get paid 'normal' wages, and tips are not as important. So, as you get your super large 36 oz soda with free refills, you smile at the situation, and take a note to give a nice tip.

In the stores, people ask you several times if they can help you. If you really do need help, this is nice customer service. If you're just wandering and looking around and don't need help, it can be annoying. But when I'm looking for the women's basketball shoe section at a store full of thousands of shoes, its nice to be directed to the correct 6 square feet of wall space and the (only) 6 shoes to choose from. But just so you know, we have plenty of mens basketball shoes that most women end up buying. The section is right around the corner.

Thanks.

I also think it is a thing of just simply being considerate. Call it polite, or whatever you want, but I think people in the US are a lot more considerate of others. Whether they do it because they have to in order to get paid well for their job, or simply a stranger in line with you at a store, they are more considerate and friendly. Other people may interpret that as fake, but I suppose it all depends on your own personal background on how you grew up and act around and to others.

I found it often rather confusing, when I was in a certain situation, which way should I act? The Dutch way or the American way? Oh man, I can't remember what is 'normal' in the US anymore! When I'm not friendly enough, am I rude? If I don't continue a conversation with someone I don't know, is that rude? If I need to get in the metro at the airport to get between terminals, do I push my way in and just make space for myself without uttering a word, or do apologize profusely? What language am I speaking, by the way?

I went to get my hair cut and colored at a salon I've only been to once before, 1.5 years ago. When I sat down and started to tell my hair stylist what I was thinking, the woman who cut my hair since I was probably at least 10 years old was working on a women in the chair next to me! She squealed and came over and gave me a big hug! She told me to stay in Holland. She really tries to encourage me to stay out of Sheboygan, and enjoy what is out there in world, outside of Sheboygan - whether Oklahoma or Utrecht. I think its because she regrets not traveling, and feels that she is stuck in Sheboygan (its not true- you can travel at any age!). Then after that, I sit and debate with myself, how much personal information do I really offer and talk to my hair stylist about? What questions do I ask her about herself? How much personal information do they want to know and hear. In Holland, no one really offers that type of stuff until you know them for awhile. Its all on the surface talk I think. (But that may be because I can't talk much more than on the surface). Well, since this is Sheboygan, and its small town friendly, I think a lot of stuff is fair game to talk about and to ask. $117 and 3 hours later, I leave looking like a different person than when I walked in.

Besides the over the top sensational news every night, the sappy sitcoms, and the overload of car and fast food commercials, what else is different here? Oh, besides the fact that my favorite late night shows are all on reruns because of the writers strike, the networks run reruns from Christmas time 2 years ago. The humor and sarcasm I miss so much and want to enjoy, I am unable to, as its old news.

The weather is also different, and something I miss in the US. I miss the extremes of the weather. The super hot temps in summer with huge thunderstorms and amazing clouds, and the bitter cold of winter that makes your nose hairs freeze in only the 15 seconds it takes you to walk to your car. I miss the snow. Luckily it did snow about 6" while I was in Sheboygan. I even got up before everyone else in my family on a Saturday morning to shovel, since I haven't had that opportunity in probably 9 or 10 years! That is pretty amazing.

The way people dress in these two countries is also different. I prefer the clothes and the prices in the US, however my casual style doesn't always fit in with the fashion scene in Holland. I always have to think, will this label me as "American" when I'm walking around? I did buy some new shoes (Simple), that are casual, but aren't athletic shoes. I was pretty excited about that find. They are also eco-friendly! Even better! I know they were cool like 10 years ago when I was in high school, but no way could I afford that coolness factor then. In any case, I spend most of my money on clothes at Kohls anyways; I don't think that will ever change. The prices are just too hard to resist.

So that's probably the stuff on the surface, what I'm ok talking about: service and friendliness, tv, weather, clothes. What about the 'other stuff'? I don't know if it can be based on logical things, or any one thing. Its a feeling you have. I think, at some point, I would prefer to live in the US again. I'm just too far away from my family and my friends, and the familiarity of it all; the familiarity I tried to get away from in the last several years. But I enjoy the friendliness and the openness, people being polite. I enjoy talking to my friends. I enjoy having friends. I enjoy the convenience of American life. I admit, I am lazy at times. But I'm also a busy person. Its nice that stores are open when I'm actually able to go shopping. But, on the other hand, I've invested a lot of money in moving here. It would be not too smart to move back at this point. Also, if I had a job I enjoyed, it probably would make every day life more enjoyable and I wouldn't focus on the negative, as I usually tend to do. Thus, my New Years Resolution is to find a new job in 2008. Hopefully earlier in 08 rather than later, but at this point, I'd be happy with it at any time.

So, as I was sitting on United 908 back to Amsterdam, a lot was going through my head. I wasn't able to sleep at all during the 7 hour flight back, even though I was sitting in a lovely reclining chair in business class. Even the free white wine served during dinner didn't help me nod off either. But I need to realize that no definite decision needs to be made now. Whether I go back next year or in five years, or whenever, it will happen when it should and will happen. And as I stated at the beginning of this post, an 8 hour flight and you're on the other side of the world again. And 5 weeks vacation helps some with the distance predicament. I already know I will be going back twice in 2008.

We'll see what else 2008 brings. As well as what Holland can bring to me, and what I can bring to it.