Two year expiration date...

Well, not for me really. My two year mark has come and gone, quietly... back in February. It is amazing that it has been already two years! I lived in DC for (exactly) two years as well, and that seemed to go at a much slower pace than these 2 years here. I think that 2 years is kind of the tipping point for living here in Holland. Its the point where either you've had enough and can't take it anymore, or....you just keep trying (maybe like a goldfish with an 8 second memory span). The original newness wears off quickly here, when you are not a tourist. You are confronted with the weather (you've survived 2 dark, wet winters and two wet and cool summers), the lack of proper medical attention that you are used to in your own country, the almost impossible task of "integrating", and the high level of arrogance with a large percentage of the population. Not to mention the language barrier. I'd like to say that I made it though all these obstacles, but I can't. I continue to be confronted with these things all the time. Some days are better than others; sometimes I don't mind living here, other times I just want to leave.

Back in February, I found out that I passed all four parts of the national language exam I took in December. That means that i'm "integrated" into dutch society by the dutch government. I can now apply for citizenship next year without having to take a integration exam. I have a diploma and am now allowed (technically) to attend university classes in Dutch and work in Dutch-language business environments. I don't entirely believe that, because I still have problems with speaking properly on a higher level than just regular conversation (seems I have problems in english now too!). But at least I have a piece of paper to show after 1.5 years.

I often feel that I never (will) understand anything around me or to be able to fully participate in life here. I cannot respond or joke with some one in a random comment on the bus. I cannot stand up for myself (in Dutch) if someone is offending me. I cannot understand word for word the news or a conversation. I don't want to go through my whole adult life not completing knowing what is going on around me, and just remaining in some oblivious state of being. I suppose I mostly feel like that when I am "interacting" with other dutch people - mostly dealing with basketball. Whether at practice, or the drinks after a game, I usually just sit there while they chatter on. Its not too often that someone tries to engage me in conversation or gets to know me.

All this takes its toll on a person's self-esteem and self-worth. And patience! While I was working at TT, I made three friends, all three of them are not Dutch. Two moved here for dutch partners, 1 on his own. One of these friends already moved back to his home country in March, after just under 2 years of living here. Another friend, is giving herself a time limit and refuses to still be here in December of this year, which will be just over 2 years of her living here. Experiences here for all of us, have been difficult, but also sometimes degrading and insulting too. If one realizes they will be happier somehwere else, it is not a failure to leave here. It is actually an accomplishment to have survived so long, and to realize its time to move on. I will certainly miss them, as finding friends (that you can be your true self with) in a foreign country is difficult. We went through some interesting and difficult times together at TT, and their support is the only thing that got me through my 1 year of working there and through my first year of living in Holland. I continue to seek and appreciate their advice and support, I will be sad when they leave (or left already in the case of one friend). I just wonder when my expiration date for Holland will arrive. Or even more scary, will it arrive?

The day has finally arrived!!!

How can I let this wonderful day go by without writing something documenting it!? I can't! Today is one of the most exciting and enthralling days of my life! Obama is my new president! I finally can be proud of my country, and of what it stands for: for good, not bad. I left work early to make sure I was home to witness this amazing moment in history! The scenes of millions of people packing the National Mall, 2 miles long, to view this one moment in history, to be a part of it. Its even more exciting to me because Washington DC was my former home. I wish more than anything that I could have been there today. Its so wonderful to see all these buildings, corners and scenes that were, and still are, so familiar to me. I was only there just 2 months ago for a visit. I'm so happy that Obama is now the leader of my country. He is an intelligent, charismatic, young, handsome man with a beautiful family. I am so proud of his amazing accomplishments in such a short time, and I look forward to all the wonderful things he will accomplish in the next four years. The city is alive with a magical feeling and such happiness. I wish I could be there to take part. But instead, I will forever remember this day and where I was when he was sworn in. I was sitting on my couch at home with M, able to witness it live on tv. My body was physically here, but my heart and spririt were in DC. Despite all the pomp and circumstance, and all the cheesiness (you could say) of American life centered around this weekend, I miss it! I like it, and that will never change!

I think this was the first inauguaration that I've ever really watched. Not only is that because of age and interest, but also significance. Never before has an inauguration meant so much before. Its not just the historical significance, but also his message of change that brings hope to so many. It is a change in mentality for the government and the direction our country will move in in the future.

here in holland, several watch parties took place, all over the country. I was going to go to a democrats abroad watch party at the hard rock cafe in amsterdam, but i RSVP'ed too late and was not able to get in! Several dutch politicians were also just as ecstatic and emotional as us Americans today. the prince even came back from the middle east today and made sure he could watch the ceremony online. the ceremony was even carried live on 3 dutch channels. this new president is not only important to the US, but also to the whole world.

I dont have to preach on the significance of this day in American history. we all know how special this 44th president is to our history. but still, the magical feeling is alive in me and millions of others around the world. and i think it will stick with me for many days to come.

Ice crazy

NL, Jan '09
Originally uploaded by jogjasweet.

Its been a very historical past few weeks here in Holland. Since around Christmas time, its been relatively cold, by Dutch standards. Its been below zero (celcius) several days in a row, and its been so cold that the canals are freezing over all over the Netherlands. This has not happened in twelve years! The Dutch are going crazy for skating! It is in their blood, in their culture, yet they have been unable to skate on natural ice in twelve whole years. This past weekend, over 200,000 Dutchies took to the ice. Of course there is a fair share in injuries and accidents, since they are not used to the ice, either falling down and breaking wrists or falling through thin ice. Surprisingly there has only been one death (of falling through the ice). It is definitely a special sight to see, kids playing on the iced over canals in the twilight hours of the evening, some for the first time in their lives.

The ice is so important for these dutchies, that even last week Friday, some government agencies gave their employees the option to leave work at 1pm without taking vacation time, to go ice skating!!! They call it "ijsvrij", or "ice free". Unbelievable!!! Way to go, Ministry of Foreign Affairs for setting the standards...

The only unfortunate thing is that the Dutch couldn't have their famed "11 city tour", which is a one day tour/race of ice skating on the canals to 11 cities in Friesland. They are only allowed to do it if the ice is at least 15cm thick.

I come from the land of cold, snow, and ice: the frozen tundra as we so endearingly call it. But I am not used to riding my bike in below 0 degree weather! I also have not ice skated in several years, nor gone sledding (which I would love to do at any time, but there are no hills here at all!). But there is definitely something special about enjoying something so simple (to me) as ice, and seeing the landscape transformed from being dotted with cows and sheep to being dotted by skaters with orange hats.

parking problems of another sort...

One funny thing I came across in the news this past week that is so typically dutch: a parking problem for bikes, specifically bak-fiets. These bikes are mainly used by the hip/trendy dutchy parents in their 30's to cart their kids to and from school or around town in an extra long bike with a cart in the front that can fit 2-4 kids. And these trendy parents are found particularly in the the more upscale neighborhoods in Utrecht (not my neighborhood!). These bikes of course take up more space than the normal bike, and are actually causing parking problems at schools, at grocery stores, and other places around town. And in true Dutch spirit, this issue has found its way to the political agenda in some neighborhood organizations. They want to have special parking spots for these bikes, because it inconviences other 'regular' bikers. These political groups are thinking of having a special corner for bak-fieters.

Only in Holland.

You can never go home again

Its been quite awhile since I've written. Part of that was due to a two week trip to the US in November. The main reason for going was to be at the wedding of a good college friend of mine in St. Louis. But I combined this with a trip back "home" to Washington D.C., my home from 2005-2007, and to my real home, Sheboygan. It was a busy two weeks, but I enjoyed myself. M didn't come with, mostly because of time and money, but also that I was in the wedding too, and he'd be bored most of the time, as we were doing girl things. It was good to go back and visit with some good friends, eat some good food (mostly unhealthy!), and see my family again. Having gone to the US right after the election, and only hearing pro-Obama things here in Holland, I was a bit taken aback at the reality of the situation is certain places of the country. But, I suppose it was good to get a reality check. As my dad said, "you've been in Europe too long" (in an effort to add some humor/cheer me up). Its only been 2 years, have I changed that much? No, I think I was already this way before: open to new things and ideas, concerned for people's civil rights and human rights, concerned for the environment, and concerned about the current reputation of the US around the world and our lack of international cooperation (and common sense). When I heard some of the things I did while in the US, I was both shocked and scared. Its quite sad there there are people so close-minded, and it was a good reminder to me of, despite my complaints about Holland, that people really are better off here. It may be "absolute anarchy" in Amsterdam, as Bill O'Reilly so kindly put it on FOX News this past week, on the culture problems the Dutch have (um, ok). So many coffee-shops (not really), the red-light district (its regulated and in a small area only), and everyone distrespects the 'baby Jesus'....Well, despite the often bad manners I see here, things aren't all that bad (I suppose). There may be a lot of rules, but the government is around to regulate and take care of its citizens. Taxes may be higher here, but there are programs and organizations to take care of everyone and everything. Whether you are sick, unemployed, homeless, poor....there are ways to help. I will pay higher taxes to help others. I may have no choice (except to leave), but I will do it. Transportation is loads better. I don't have ot own a car here at all. It not only helps the environment, it also saves me tons of money. I can afford to actually save money here, unlike my situation while living in DC. And while I can see that this probably would never work in such a big country as the US, its really disturbing how people react to ideas and ways of life that are different than their own. As much as I want to move back to the US, because of being closer to my family and friends, as well as the familiarity of it all, I really scared myself thinking of not coming back (right away).

Usually I go home for the holidays, and this time was different. It was not only an eye-opening visit. But it was also the last time that physically will be going "home" to my house that I grew up in. My parents are moving over the next few months to a house they built 30 miles outside of Sheboygan. While it is a nice house on a lake in the quiet countryside, its not 'home' to me. This was the last time I slept in my bedroom that I grew up in, where I played as a kid, listened to my parents read me bedtime stories, hid under my pillow so I wouldn't see the lightning in summer, or the bright glow of orange sneaking into my room from the reflection of the streetlights off the snow in winter, and the excitement of knowing when I would wake up the next day, it would be Christmas morning. Never again, will I have the possibility to go back to this room after coming home for a visit. Its very difficult for me to accept that I cannot go home again. Growing older is not easy: to do or to accept.

Since the US, I have been working and finishing off Dutch lessons. After 1.5 years, I've had enough. I do not want to come home at 1030pm anymore. I get the most stressed out when I do not have time for myself to do what I want to do (or do nothing at all). But working full time and going to school 6 hours a week is tough. And while I finished on the 2nd of December, the real apogee of my entire "life" in Holland arrived this week. How integrated am I really? I took the Dutch national language test, otherwise known as the staatsexam. It consists of 4 parts: reading, writing, listening, and speaking. If you pass them all, you get a diploma saying you are 'fluent' in Dutch, and you are allowed to follow courses/programs at the university level. Unfortunately they only offer it during the daytime (in typical Dutch unhelpful fashion), so I had to take 2 days off of work for this...when it could have been offered within one day ---or at night. Anyways, I will know in 5 weeks if I passed or not. And while the diploma may say I'm fluent, I really don't think I am. I can converse in simply constructed sentences, but I can follow a conversation if I'm actually paying attention. And I know how to take tests well. I was the only westerner at these exams, and there was an over-representation of women. Only 2 of 20 people at today's test were guys. And I recognized no one from my classes at the local ROC school. So, in 5 weeks, we'll see if I'm really integrated enough into Dutch society. But all I had to do was go back to my home country for 2 weeks to know that I might not belong there either anymore.